Chinese Laundromat Leprechauns

Rich has fallen victim to acute Sock Theft. Several socks have been reported missing and pressumably dead. When a sock or two goes missing, the FBI and the CIA are called in to investigate. If they have no suspects or an ID on the missing socks within the first 48 hrs of the investigation it's called off and the owners are contacted about their loved cotton.

But what the CIA and the FBI haven't been telling you is where the socks are actually going. They have the suspects, they just don't have the know-how to catch them.

Who are they do you say?
Are they cunning ninja's dressed in black and move at the speed of light so you don't even notice them as they swipe your footies?

No.

They're leprechauns

I know you're laughing and calling me a fool, possibly even mentally defected. But it's true.

LEPRECHAUNS ARE STEALING OUR SOCKS AND NOBODY IS DOING A GODDAMN THING ABOUT IT!

It all makes sense.

Leprechauns are stealing our socks and selling them on the Black Market as commodities for Russian Ambassadors who use them as cock protectors in their commodial bath-houses. (You didn't hear this from me though)

One hardly worn sock can go for as much as 5,000,000 rubles.

In turn the leprechauns use the rubles to purchase gold which they hide in their little pots. Fucking scavengers. How else do you think they get their gold? You think they just shit bricks or what?

So there you have it, the secrets of the Sock Stealers. The FBI knows, the CIA knows but its up to YOU to do something about it.